Lily: Realizations
by remembercedric
Summary: What happened after: "I was the only one who saw her for what she was--a freak!"


Thanks to my beta reader, Mallory. Suggested soundtrack for this fic is _With or Without You_ (U2), _Every Little Thing She Does is Magic_ (Police), _The One_ (Xoch), _The Letter_ (Boxtops), _Clear Spot_ (Pernice Brothers), _Wild Angels_ (Martina McBride). References are at the end of the story, but try to figure them out yourself—it's more fun!

"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."

—Edgar Allan Poe

****

Lily: Realizations

"How can you say that, Petunia? You _know_ it was an accident. I never meant to break Hortense—I only wanted to see if she would fly!"

__

"If I angle it a little more to the left…no, right…that's it." Lily centered the porcelain owl in the windowsill and stepped back. She squinted her left eye and nodded thoughtfully. "All right—here goes!" The owl, christened "Hortense" by Petunia, flew off the windowsill with the force of Lily's push. "I can't believe it! I just can't believe it, the flying, it's working!" And promptly fell, shattering on the walk below.

"Honestly, Petunia! I never meant…I didn't…I _never_—"

"No! This is one time too many. First, you 'experiment' with sticks in the backyard during my _party_; I planned it for _months_! And I _know_ you were the one who broke my window. And—_and_—you exchanged your collector's edition of The Dickens Dictionary for that _ridiculous_ book about plants and bits of animals! You have _no idea_ how many stores I went into, how many hours I spent searching, how much I _spent_ on that book for you! But, no, it isn't even that. If you want to ruin your own things, I certainly can't stop you. But Hortense was _mine_. She was a gift and very special to me. You had no right to borrow—much less _break_—her!"

"I—"

Petunia's rage and frustration carried her right over Lily's protestations. "Lily, until you can respect me and my things just—just _stay away_ from me!" Petunia stormed into her room and slammed the door. While Petunia fumed in her room, Lily sank to her knees with her hands over her face. After the death of her brother, Petunia was the only sibling Lily had left.

__

Petunia and Lily were playing Monopoly when the doorbell rang. Lily jumped up to answer it, scattering plastic green hotels and metal menageries around the floor. In the doorway stood a tall, dark-haired man in a crisp uniform. "Miss Evans?"

"Yes, that's me, but are you sure you aren't wanting my sister? She's Miss Evans as well—"

"Miss Evans, I need to speak with your parents. Is your mother or father home?"

"Yes, all—all right. I'll be right back. Wait here please." Something about the man frightened Lily. Perhaps it was his sad face or his nervous fingers, rolling a bit of paper he clutched in his hand. Lily backed slowly away from the door before spinning on her heels and walking quickly toward the staircase. "Dad? Mum?" Lily went up the stair, breaking into a run. "Mum? Dad_?" Lily ran to the end of the hall and burst into her Dad's study. "Mum! Dad! It's…I…someone's at the door—come quick!"_

Lily got up off the floor. She had to make it up to Petunia, somehow. Standing there in the hall, an idea came to Lily. "I _know_ I wasn't imagining. Just because Hortense…but no, that was a mistake. It had to have been. But I _did_, that once, with the sugar bowl. And the bookstore clerk said that odd little book would help me, um, 'figure it out, dearie'. I suppose there could be something in there." Lily despondently worked her way upstairs. She just knew that if Hortense were fixed, Petunia wouldn't be so upset. Once in her room, Lily pulled "that ridiculous book about plants and bits of animals" off her shelf, placing it on her lap.

The old book had an orange cover with a deep pink binding, and was written by a man named "Aureate Lockhart? What an odd name…and what an odd smile! It rather looks as if his face might break if he stretched it any more." Giggling a little, Lily tore her eyes away from the cover and opened to the first page, the author's note. After reading for seventeen pages about world peace, shampoo and "Ogden's Old Firewhiskey? Hm…I wonder what that's all about", Lily skipped ahead another eight pages to the table of contents.

"'Handling Horklump Halitosis', 'Giants: Gruesome or Gentle?', 'Manhandling the Mackled Malaclaw'…no, none of that sounds right. Oh—this could be it!" Lily skimmed ahead a few dozen pages, her hands amazed by the creamy texture of the paper. She stopped on the chapter titled "So You Broke Your Sister's Owl, What Are You Gonna Do?" The first sentences confused Lily a bit: "To begin, try a simple _Reparo_ charm. If that fails to produce the desired results, your next bet is _Wingardium Leviosa_—to make sure you have all the pieces—and a bit of Elmer's glue. If you have no success in repairing the owl, an _Obliviate_ should always do the trick. Messy, but effective." Lily, unable to find any of the unfamiliar words in Webster's, lugged Aureate's Guide to Your Troubles the nine blocks to Mencken's Bookstore. 

Huffing through the door, Lily was greeted by the familiar tinkle of bells and a cheery "Welcome to Mencken's. It's not quite Chrestomathy(1), but, after all, what is?" She carefully lifted the book onto the front counter, flipping open to the earmarked page. Mencken leaned his wizened face over the book, listening attentively to Lily's rapid speech and gesticulations. After several minutes, Mencken interrupted Lily mid-stream. "Lily, I believe I have just the thing for you. A book that will explain all you've asked me. If you'll nip back here a bit, I'll show you directly."

Lily, curiosity piqued, walked through the swinging gate to follow Mencken to the storage room. She had been there before, and it was one of her favorite places. Mencken was one of those rare souls, like Lily herself, who treasure books as gifts beyond worth. In the back was a first edition of Far From the Madding Crowd(2), the gilt edges softened with time and use. A much-beloved copy of Villette(3) graced a table in the center of the room. The walls were decorated with framed pages of original poems from Christina Rossetti's collection, _The Goblin Market_. 

Lily breathed in the scent of the books, awed again by the amount of beauty and knowledge surrounding her. She was snapped from her reverie when Mencken's light touch on her arm directed her toward an as yet unpacked box from his most recent shipment. "These just came in yesterday, straight from Bristol", he said. "Haven't opened 'em yet, myself, but I know there's one in here as will interest you." This last was muffled, dimly reaching Lily's ears through the confines of the box. Lily stood on tiptoe, peering around Mencken's head in an attempt to glimpse the promised books. She was not disappointed when he withdrew a forest green, cloth-bound book with silver edging. The title, also embossed in silver, read: Magical or Muggle: Your Destiny. At Mencken's encouragement, Lily glanced at the first few pages. She saw chapter titles like "Hopeless to Hogwarts, One Student's Journey", "(Muggle) Born to Stand Out" and "So, You're Magical: How to Cope".

"This book", said Mencken, rocking on his toes in obvious excitement, "ought to explain the changes you've been noticin'. And this isn't any cheap self-help book, either." Mencken spoke with obvious disdain in his voice. "It's been compiled by some of the _finest_ minds in the world." Miraculously, Mencken's tone had changed faster than Sergeant Francis Troy(4), as his condescension was quickly replaced with reverence. "What better advice to help you patch it up with Petunia, eh? You can borrow it, no, _keep_ it, free of charge. Only, come back and let me know how it all turns out. Well, I'll be seein' ya, Lily. Remember, it may not be Chrestomathy, but then, what is?"

Being careful not to let the right-angle edges blur in the light rain, Lily cradled the book under her jumper all the way home. Pausing quickly to shake the wet off her shoes, she went in through the blue front door, shutting it softly behind her. Stealthing up the stair, padding softly down the hall and quietly opening the creaking door, Lily made it to her bedroom uninterrupted. She removed the book from under her jumper, placing it reverentially on the bedspread. The dark green of the book contrasted oddly with the deep fuschia of the bed. The pink that matched Lily's russet hair so perfectly had an apparent aversion to green books. Lily, unmindful of the aesthetic conflict, reopened the book to the table of contents. All the chapter titles looked interesting, but Lily found none that addressed problems with sisters or flying sugar bowls. She next tried the introduction. 

"This text was written by authors who understand the difficulties experienced by those new to the hidden world of magic. The questions you are undoubtedly asking yourself will be addressed in the following pages. This guide is especially useful to non-magical children born to magical parents, magical children born to non-magical parents, or anyone researching the effects of wizardry on a child's development. Magic is the characteristic that makes wizards and witches different from other children—Muggles. The first signs of magic are usually dismissed as unusual occurrences, or explained away as figments of the imagination. But as the child grows older, as the signs of magic become more frequent, the situation must be addressed. We hope this book will aid you in your quest to understand the properties and history of magic, and how they will impact your life. –The Editors"

Lily was a little disappointed. She had thought Mencken's book would help her understand the words in Aureate's Guide to Your Troubles, but the book had not addressed any of those terms—it was just another silly children's book. Fantasy, magic and flying dragons. Lily sighed, and went to get Aureate's off the shelf. If she was going to fix Hortense, she would have to figure out the words herself.

Lily opened the book to the last page and began to flip slowly forward, looking at the heading of each page. "Malaclaws, Horklumps, Pixies…an intro_duct_ion!" Flipping forgotten, Lily paused and stared at the introduction, surprised that she had missed it before. She hadn't realized that an author's note was different than an introduction. Settling back into her fuzzy pink pillows, a contented smile on her face, Lily began to read:

"Now that you, the reader, has a greater understanding of myself, Aureate Lockhart, I will delve into the secrets of sorcery, the mystery of magic, the wonder of wizardry. But first I would like to point out that just because _Magical Monthly_ is being bought out by _Witch Weekly_ due to the unfortunate scandal involving the editor and copy girl, _does not_ in any way diminish the prestige of my seven, yes _seven_, Most Charming Smile awards. Thank you. Well, now that we've gotten that out of the way, I will begin by saying that the fundamental difference between magical and non-magical people is, well, magic. Magic is the characteristic that makes wizards and witches different from other children."

Lily paused, her finger halted under the last word. She knew she had seen that phrase somewhere. Remembering, Lily picked up Magical or Muggle: Your Destiny from where she had left it on the bed. She put both books in front of her and leaned over, her hair brushing the pages. Now that both texts were open to the relevant sections before her, Lily was able to piece together the fragments. The introduction to Aureate's explained the terms that had confused her when she had skipped ahead to "So You Broke Your Sister's Owl, What Are You Gonna Do?" But Lily wasn't too excited about her new knowledge because she was focused on the contexts of the repeated line. While it had disappointed her in Magical or Muggle: Your Destiny, it had an opposite, clarifying effect in Aureate's Guide to Your Troubles. Lily continued reading from where she had left off: 

"…different from other children. This difference can be especially troubling to the young witch or wizard, _especially_ one born to Muggle (non-magical) parents. These children are at a disadvantage when it comes to learning about their heritage. I have found that the single most important thing I can tell Muggle-borns is that—and pay careful attention here—they _are not alone_. Not at all! There are many magical people living all over Britain, and in fact all over the world. There is a good chance that, knowingly or not, you have met a magical person before. Most magical people are friendly and will often approach Muggle-borns to greet them. For many Muggle-borns, their first real knowledge of their talent comes when they receive their Hogwarts letter, when they reach eleven years of age. Children can expect to receive a Hogwarts letter if they have exhibited any of the following behaviors:

An ability to avoid or escape dangerous or uncomfortable situations. Avoiding embarrassment or causing embarrassment for someone else. Bouncing, unusual growth of any limbs or body parts, levitation. An ability to read languages the child does not speak. Telepathy, psychic abilities. 

Your child is likely to be contacted personally by a Hogwarts professor or Ministry of Magic employee if he or she exhibits any of the following unique behaviors:

Lycanthropy, an ability to communicate with snakes (Parseltongue). Empathy or an ability to heal by touch or sight. The appearance of a skull-like tattoo (Dark Mark) on his or her arm. Friendship with an abnormally large, hairy person (Giant). An ability to morph into animal form at will. 

Some magical children begin to perform magic at a very early age. Studies have shown that such children have the capacity to be excellent students and employees. If your child is under seven years of age, watch carefully for unusual behaviors. One common behavior is the ability to repair a broken object, particularly one broken in a manner likely to invoke punishment or criticism from the parent. For example, breaking a window with a baseball. In these instances, your child is performing a simple version of the _Reparo_ charm. What happens is this: the child's subconscious abilities are triggered by fear of punishment. Without any conscious effort on your child's part the broken object will be repaired magically—literally! In fact, if you inspect it, you will be unable to tell it was ever broken.

A few magical families persist in an age-old tradition of "forcing" a child's abilities. If a magical family is concerned their child will be non-magical (a Squib), they sometimes place the child in dangerous positions, hoping that a deep emotion of fear or hate will evoke a magical response from the child. The most common way of doing this is to drop the child from a considerable height (Note: the author does not in any way recommend participating in this tradition). If the child bounces or slowly floats to the ground, he or she has performed a simple _Reboundari_ or _Wingardium Leviosa _ spell."

The neatly manicured finger slowed and came to a stop. Lily's face wore an expression that some would describe as shock, and some would describe as being close to tears. Moments ticked by as Lily remained motionless, her finger still on the page, appearing to be lost in thought. One by one, tears crept out of her eyes, the rims under and above her eyelashes grew red, and her eyelids became puffy. Lily took no notice. She remained in the same position, hunched over the books, even while her whole body shuddered as she took in great gasps of air. Soon, however, Lily was forced to put her arms out in an effort to prevent herself from tipping onto her face. Whispers could be heard from behind her curtain of disheveled and tangled hair. "A _freak_. Snakes…skulls…" Lily gasped again, as if filling herself with air could push out the memory of what she had just read. Like many children, she had grown up imagining what she would do with special powers: turn beets into ice cream, create a robot to do homework and chores, blast bullies with laser eyes. "This _can't_ be magic. Magic is Cinderella, and flowers in winter, and Rumpelstiltskin, and leprechauns. Magic is beautiful and fun, with fairies and elves." Lily lowered herself onto her side, pulled a patchwork quilt up to her chin and sunk into a fitful sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~

Golden sunlight filtered through the windows, dust mites dancing through the air and green leaf shadows flickering across Lily's bed. It was ten in the morning and Lily was still sleeping. The marks of last night's trauma were cleansed from her face, which looked peaceful and composed in the morning light. A particularly bright sunbeam fell on Lily's closed eyelids, causing her forehead to wrinkle in consternation. Although signs pointed toward a calm and lazy Saturday awakening for Lily, it was not to be. All at once, a muscle spasm in her left leg jerked her abruptly from sleepy depths to caffeine-buzz alertness. Lily's upper body jackknifed from the prone position to bolt upright in a split second. Her hands grasped her calf, fingers attempting to knead the burning tendrils of pain into oblivion.

Several minutes later, Lily was lying flat on her back, breathing shallowly and wiping beads of sweat off her forehead. She eased her legs over the side of the bed one at a time, enjoying the feel of the scruffy carpet under her feet. She limped across the room and into the bathroom where she indulged in a long shower. While the hot streams of water massaged her skin, Lily pondered her plans for the day. Sometime during the night her magical worries had abated, leaving a resigned feeling. Today, Lily decided, she would read up on the topic in Magical or Muggle: Your Destiny. Maybe she would learn how to fix Hortense in the process. 

Feeling much calmer, Lily stepped out of the shower, wrapping herself cozily in a fluffy yellow terrycloth bathrobe. Once in her room, Lily twisted her hair into a coil and clipped it to her head. She put on her favorite pair of sweatpants—the ones with turtles—and a tanktop. Before bounding out the door, Lily stopped to grab her reading material along with a notebook and pencil. 

Lily shut the door behind her and strode down the street. People had described Lily as having a "determined, assertive" walk. When Lily walked, people moved out of her way. This walk carried Lily, uninterrupted, to the park, where she settled down on a bench under a willow tree. This was one of Lily's favorite places in her town because almost no one came there, so she was able to work privately. Privacy was especially important to her today due to the nature of her work. Despite her alleviated fears, Lily had not yet achieved acceptance of her revelations. She was wary of anyone else knowing about her "condition" before she had determined how to deal with it personally.

"So…I'm a witch. But I'm _not_ worried. Mr. Mencken said this book would help me and I won't leave here before it does!" Lily soon discovered she needn't have worried, as the book proved extremely helpful. In a matter of hours, Lily learned that although magic can be dark and harsh, it can also be everything she had pictured. She read about magical schools, society, economics and traditions. Many of her odd behaviors were provided with explanations. She discovered what _Obliviate_ entailed, and the restrictions on its use. Her pencil was put to good use filling out the "Information Request" card slipped in the back of the book. 

Lily knew from her reading that once a magical child is aware of her magical heritage, she loses the ability to perform wandless magic. Based on this knowledge, she penciled in a note on the bottom of the "Information Request" card asking for a loaned wand to be sent by return "owl? You would think they're too conspicuous for regular use. I would have chosen a pigeon, myself. Or at least use one of the _Glamours_ on them to make them _look_ like pigeons." The postcard was dropped in a corner mailbox on Lily's way home.

__

~~~~~~~~~~

"Well, now, 'old still and you'll be on your way in a minute, wont'cha." The old man finished tying the small tube to the owl's leg and carried him over to the window. The oak shutter banged shut behind the owl. "That's one wand we won' be seein' back now, ain't it, Tom? Especially seein' as 'ow it's the sixth one we've sen' ou' this week, an' one's yet to come back. Not good odds, those."

The small owl winged his way over Britain, traveling towards a Miss Lillian Evans. As if sensing the urgency of his mission, he sped up when he approached her town. Landing on her window ledge, he pecked with his beak on the pane, hoping someone would soon relieve him of his burden. The package had grown heavy over the long distance. 

When Lily opened the window she was enchanted by the small bird outside. For someone used to postmen, a post_bird_ was an interesting change. Confused at first, she eventually understood that the bobbing owl was anxious for his leg to be restored to his usual weight-free state. Despite the fascination with the messenger, Lily was more excited about her wand. She reverentially pulled it from its casing, marveling at the feel in her hands. Right away she knew this was no ordinary stick—it was obvious it had been polished and whittled into a perfect instrument.

Not knowing much about forestry, Lily had no way of knowing that her wand was ash. However, she did have access to a ruler and was able to determine that it was twenty-five centimeters in length. Also, the paper enclosed advised her that its core was a unicorn hair, and that if she had ever had any sort of allergic reaction to unicorns, she should exchange the wand. 

Lily wasn't sure if she was allergic to unicorns, but she rather thought she wasn't. She based her opinion on the fact that once she had a stuffed animal unicorn and she hadn't been allergic to _it_. Going on this assumption, Lily prepared to perform her first spell. She had chosen the simple _Reparo_ spell because—apparently—she had done it before, and because the instructions looked fairly straightforward. 

The book specified that for the spell to work best it should be performed on the fragments right where they fell, without being moved. So although Lily was limited as to the location for her first spell, she still tried to make it a memorable first spellcasting. She swept up the sidewalk around the broken porcelain, and lit a few fruit scented candles in a circle. She also brought out a few of her favorite objects, like a book of poems by John Donne, her grandmother's engagement ring on a chain, Puppy the stuffed wind-up dog, and her framed photograph of the family reunion. Lily wasn't sure as to her motive, but she hoped that either the objects would enhance her power, or that some of the residual power would flow into the objects and give them a form of protection.

The streetlights were out and the moon—and candles—provided the only lights for the ceremony. Lily stood in the circle of treasures, as nervous in the face of her first concentrated magical attempt as Morgaine(5) was in her last. In accordance with the instructions, Lily fully extended her left arm, with the wand gripped firmly in her fingers. Holding the wand pointed steadily at the broken fragments, Lily took a relaxing breath. She focused all her mental energy on imagining Hortense reassembled in her original form, complete and perfect. When the image was solidified in her mind, Lily spoke, quietly but firmly, "_Reparo_". A stream of purple light, sharp and defined like liquid ice, shot out the end of her wand. As if the ice had been shattered with a hammer, the stream suddenly fragmented, each shard flying to a piece of porcelain and levitating it in the air. The pieces rose higher and higher until they were above Lily's head, swirling in a cloud. With a small popping sound, the pieces moved as one to the center of the cloud, and fused together. The restored Hortense rotated slowly several times before descending into Lily's outstretched hand.

Lily gazed at the porcelain owl in her hand, amazed at what had just happened. Never before in her life had she experienced such a feeling of power and control. She had, in essence, just _created_ something. It was like watching time in reverse, with a fireworks display thrown in for good measure. After the feeling of awe began to fade, it was replaced with relief. Part of Lily had feared the spell wouldn't work, in which case making it up to Petunia would be made more difficult. As it was, Lily was now in a position to reconcile with her. Her first reaction was to rush upstairs to Petunia's room—from which she had not emerged since "the incident"—and apologize. However, she had a feeling that the middle of the night was not the best time to conduct what had the potential to be a long apology.

More than a little tired, Lily crept inside the house and up to bed, abandoning her reconciliation plan until the following day. Lily carefully placed Hortense on the desk, where she was sure she would be safe until the next day. Crawling under the covers, Lily fell asleep to the quiet strains of _Farewell, Farewell_(6).

~~~~~~~~~~

Gray rain pelted the windows, smacking against them with the force of pebbles discharged from a slingshot. The furthest-reaching twigs of the tree outside scraped eerily against the glass, adding to the cacophony. No leg cramps were necessary for Lily Evans to have a difficult morning this day. The racket awoke her earlier than usual, at around seven o'clock. Petunia never got up before nine on holidays, so Lily went downstairs to read in the study until she could talk to Petunia. Lily was so excited, even The Tain(7) lost its usual interest for her. 

When nine-thirty came and Petunia had still not appeared downstairs, Lily's nervousness would not allow her to sit still anymore. She left her book on the chair and went back upstairs, knocking on Petunia's door. When Petunia did not respond after a little while, Lily went ahead and opened the door, sticking her heard into the room. "Petunia? Good morning, are you awake?" Apparently Petunia was _not_ awake, or Lily's whispers were not enough to reach the far side of the room. Lily went the rest of the way through the door, tiptoeing across the carpet to Petunia's bed where, in fact, she was still asleep. Lily supposed the trauma of the last few days had tired her out.

Lily stood next to the bed for a few minutes, debating whether to wait patiently for Petunia to wake up on her own, or whether to poke her awake. The child in Lily chose poking, always a favorite among siblings. It is important to note, however, that Petunia's reaction proves poking is only popular with one sibling at a time—usually the one doing it. In retrospect, Lily would think that perhaps making Petunia angry was not the _best_ way to begin an apology.

Petunia agreed to talk with Lily _after_ a shower and breakfast, so Lily went back downstairs to get breakfast ready in an attempt to hasten the process. One hour and a bowl of cinnamon oatmeal later, Lily finally sat down to her talk with Petunia. It began well with an apology from Lily, and attentiveness—if not acceptance—on the part of Petunia. Things got a little more difficult when Lily tried to present her sister with the restored Hortense. Rather than the joyful thanks she had expected, Petunia seemed upset.

"Thanks for the gesture, Lily, but no other figurine can replace Hortense. I would think you'd know that."

"Right. Right, I _do_, but this owl isn't a _replacement_. No, it's the original, _your_ Hortense. I just fixed her up."

"Umm…Lily, _that_ owl was broken into a million pieces. _This_ one is in one piece. And it doesn't look to me as if it has ever _not_ been in one piece."

"Well, it _was_ in a bunch of pieces, but now it's not. I put them together again."  


"Lily, you cannot _possibly_ be telling me that you put all those pieces together again into _this_ owl. It's obvious that this one has never been broken. Why don't you tell me where you bought it so I can return it." 

"All right, all right! I was trying not to tell you because, well, I'm afraid you won't believe me. But even if you think I'm lying, or what I tell you is unbelievable, just hear me out. It's going to sound crazy at first, but I think it makes sense." Petunia sat there, looking politely interested. Lily correctly interpreted this as the only sign of encouragement she was likely to get, and sat down on the floor in front of Petunia, who was seated on the edge of the chair. In fact, Lily realized, she was also sitting on the edge of The Tain. Lily winced but chose to ignore it in light of the bigger picture. "Umm…okay, I'll take that to mean you're going to listen. Okay. So, you know how I broke Hortense? Right, of course you do. Well, I was reading that book—you know, the one I exchanged The Dickens Dictionary for?—you see, I thought it could help. And it did, a little, but there were some words I didn't understand. But the _other_ book, the one Mr. Mencken gave me, helped clear them up. And once I knew what the words meant, I could understand the book, and…it said, well, it _said_…basically, it told me how to perform a spell. You know—a magical spell. Like _Hocus Pocus_ or _Alakazam_. Only, this one worked! It did! I was standing outside—it was so _beautiful_—the moon was shining and I felt this presence, almost, like nothing could ever go wrong. So I knew ahead of time it was going to work. So, I stood there, and then I took this deep breath…and kind of _focused_—it's hard to explain really, I don't understand it too much myself—and said a spell, and then the pieces—of Hortense—flew up in the air and joined together. And then, almost in slow motion it seemed, she spun around and dropped into my hand, whole and together again like before. People say getting the last parking spot is a miracle, or finding lost keys. But they're wrong. What happened yesterday was a _real_ miracle. I found out that magic is true, and that miracles happen, and that being at peace with your sister is more important than any silly figurine."

Lily felt very impressed with her speech. She had been practicing it while waiting for Petunia to wake up, and she thought it had turned out fairly well. She mentally ran through the points in her head: the books, the memorable experience, the difference between real magic and fairy tales, and Hortense being fixed. 

Somehow, though, Petunia didn't seem to have gotten the point. She didn't look excited, or happy, or glad, or…anything. She almost looked like the was going to smack Lily. "Lily Evans! Stop that _right now_. I asked you where you bought the figurine, and I want you to tell me! Look, I'm not angry. I understand you made up that whole story so I wouldn't be upset with you. Well, I'm _not_. But I will be unless you tell me where you got it so I can take it back, and get store credit or something. Now, tell me right this minute _where you got that figurine_!"

Lily's mind seemed to be a few words behind the whole time Petunia was speaking. Perhaps this was because she couldn't really believe what Petunia was telling her, and her brain needed extra time to process it. Whatever the reason, the result was that Petunia finished speaking and Lily just sat there for several seconds, looking like someone had hypnotized her. The trance was broken when Petunia began to speak again. "Lily, umm, I'm done talking. Are you going to answer me, or what?"

Shaking her head a little as if to get her brain working again, Lily focused her eyes on Petunia. She had just given what she felt was the best speech of her life, and Petunia thought she was _joking_? Lily stared blankly at Petunia in disbelief, and then began to speak—slowly, as if to a child. "I didn't _buy_ the figurine. I just told you that I fixed it. If you want, I can drop it out the window again and fix it. Would you like that?" Petunia flinched a little from the sarcasm, but didn't seem convinced at all. 

"No, I would _not_ like you to break Hortense again. And I don't see why you'd want to, really, it just means you'll have to buy another." Without answering, Lily picked up Hortense and threw her on the ground, where she once again shattered into dozens of pieces. Before Petunia could say or do anything, Lily pulled the wand out of her sleeve and performed the spell. This time there was none of the beauty or feelings of solemnity. Lily felt almost as if she had cheapened her gift by using it out of spite and anger. When the owl fell into her hand, she stretched out her arm to Petunia in offering. 

Rather than reaching out to accept her owl, Petunia recoiled as if Lily was holding a tarantula instead of her favorite figurine. "What…was _that_?" Petunia hissed. "I don't know what you're playing at, but don't come near me. Just…stay over there. Did you even tell mum and dad what you're doing? I think you'd ask their permission before becoming a _freak_. I rather think they'd want to reject—sorry, have some _input_—with that decision. Don't you think? I know _I_ would want to know before _my_ daughter decided to…well…to do _whatever_ it is you're _doing_."

At some point during this tirade Lily stopped looking shocked and instead looked rather frosty. As they usually did, her eyes squinted up at the corners, and her eyebrows plunged together until they almost met at the middle. Lily could feel her cheeks start to heat up. But despite the flush, Lily's face exuded an appearance of frostiness rather than anger. Petunia knew that when Lily closed herself off like this, the results could often be more catastrophic than when she simply became upset. The family consensus seemed to be that it was a result of her red hair.

Petunia could tell that now Lily was more upset than she had ever seen her. This worried her a little, and frightened her a lot. Petunia braced herself for the cutting remark she was sure was coming. However, Lily turned and walked out of the room, not even slamming the door behind her. Breathing a sigh of relief, Petunia sat back down on the chair, believing she had experienced a miracle in escaping Lily's anger. 

~~~~~~~~~~

"This spell should only be used when all other options have been tried. Once the spellcaster has already attempted conventional methods such as counseling and peer mediation, and once more basic magical methods such as _Amicas Influencia_ have been exhausted; only at this time should _Favoratus Compellis_ even be considered as an option. The Ministry of Magic closely monitors the use of this spell, and abuse may result in loss of privileges or a court hearing. The author advises the spellcaster to carefully consider the effects of the spell before attempting it, and does not recommend its use under normal circumstances. 

The best results have been achieved when the recipient approves the use of the spell and participates in the casting. However, this situation is not always possible. In these instances, it is recommended that the spellcaster perform the spell while the recipient is unaware; usually during sleep or unconsciousness. It is important to guarantee that the recipient does not become aware of the process at any point once the spell has begun; the spell can have negative effects if this occurs. Neither the spellcaster nor the recipient may wear any sentimental jewelry such as engagement or wedding rings, lockets, or pendants. These objects have the potential to disrupt the flow of the spell. 

Preparation to cast _Favoratus Compellis_ includes meditation. It is important that the spellcaster cleanse his thoughts of anything other than the desired results. Any residual thoughts could possibly alter the meaning or intensity of the spell. When the spellcaster has adequately prepared himself, he must stand in front of the recipient and direct his wand at the recipient's forehead. The phrase "_Iureiuro promptus et cerno certo discrimen immo necessarius_"(8) should be intoned, followed immediately by the spellcasting of _Favoratus Compellis._

Once the spell has been performed, the recipient will develop forced feelings of friendship and closeness with the spellcaster. The spell enables agreement, reconciliation, understanding, and other amicable feelings where previously there was none. A responsible spellcaster will not take advantage of the recipient's altered state.

After the spell has been cast, and before the recipient wakes, the phrase "_Constat compleo, veneficus vergo vinculum_"(9) must be stated in order to complete the spell and end the mental invasion of the spellcaster on the recipient. At this point, the magical impact will begin and remain until the spell is lifted, which can be accomplished by a simple _Finite Incantatem_. However, if an error occurred while performing the spell, _Finite Incantatem_ will not be sufficient to remove the spell. MagiMedical assistance will be required" 

~~~~~~~~~~

A small brown owl tapped on Lily's window at four in the morning, tentatively at first and then more persistently when he got no answer. Lily, exhausted from researching and practicing the spell all night, did not hear. She slept peacefully on until the young owl became convinced he had made a mistake, and returned to the Improper Use of Magic Office, Ministry of Magic.

~~~~~~~~~~

Lily's alarm woke her at six o'clock, soon after the owl had departed. She got out of bed, still dressed in yesterday's clothes, and grabbed her wand and a bit of paper from the night stand. Very quietly, she sneaked down the hall and into Petunia's room. Petunia was facing the wall, making it difficult for Lily to point the wand at her forehead, and, fortunately, a whiff of lilac flowers was enough to get her to roll over. Lily, pleased with how it was going so far, steadied her wand arm and held the paper in front of her eyes with the other. "_Iureiuro promptus et cerno certo discrimen immo necessarius_", she intoned, being careful to pronounce each word correctly, "_Favoratus Compellis._" 

Despite her planning, Lily did not immediately end the spell. She couldn't help it. A few minutes passed while she pictured her new relationship with Petunia once she woke up. Her imaginings included a lot of Technicolor butterflies, and not a few slow-motion scenes of dancing on the beach with their hair streaming in the wind. 

She raised her wand again, ready to end the spell. "_Constat compleo_"—another purple butterfly floated by—"_veneficus vergo vinculum_." Lily couldn't believe it. She had almost expected the spell to not work, or something. Leaning over to poke Petunia awake, she stopped at the last minute to hide her wand in her sleeve. The spell hadn't mentioned the affects to any of the recipient's feelings other than the specified ones; mainly, Lily did not know if the spell had altered Petunia's feelings about magic.

__

Puck walked through the forest, obviously trying to avoid detection. "Look out, Titania—move, he's coming!" Titania didn't seem to hear the warning. She still slept peacefully even as Puck crept closer. 

__

I pray thee, gentle mortal, sing again:  
Mine ear is much enamour'd of thy note;  
So is mine eye enthralled to thy shape;  
And thy fair virtue's force perforce doth move me  
On the first view to say, to swear, I love thee.(10)

__

"No, Titania, no! It's a trap—no! Puck…stop it, stop poking her, stop, stop!"

"_Sh_h…_Shh_top pokingme. _Sh_top…Stop!" Petunia slowly drifted awake, swatting at Lily's poking fingers. 

"Petunia, Petunia! You'll _never_ guess what just happened! It's amazing, incredible, fantastic! I was reading up on a spell last night, _Favoratus Compellis_, and it…well, you don't need to know how it works. But wait 'til you hear what it _does_!" Petunia struggled to extricate herself from the depths of her covers. Lily didn't think it was best to tell Petunia _exactly_ what it did, so she gave her the "annotated" version. "Well, the book said that it will guarantee we'll always be friends. No matter _what_, we're always going to have each other. I'm so excited—there's so many things we can do together. 

Lily was glad to see that Petunia didn't look too angry. She had been worried she would be upset. However, Petunia merely looked interested—and a little sleepy. She yawned, stretching her arms over her head. While Lily looked best after a shower in the morning, Petunia was what some people call a "natural beauty". She was able to look sweet and pretty when she woke up. Her hair was tangled and her cheek was a little red from being on the pillow. Her friends were jealous because the look they labored long hours to achieve, _she_ could have by getting a good night's sleep. This morning was no exception. The forest green shirt she was wearing drew out the green flecks in her eyes, the sun highlighted her blonde hair and reflected off her silver necklace. 

Lily sighed, frustrated that Petunia had once again borrowed something of hers without asking. Especially something so important to her, like her grandmother's engagement ring. Especially when Petunia had just chastised _her_ for the same thing! Although, come to think of it, that could be _why_ she had borrowed it. Nothing like a little sibling irony. She knew better than to say anything, however. Not now that everything was going so well. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Timothy Rigsby stood on the front porch of a nondescript house in a nondescript neighborhood. It was, in his opinion, a very nondescript assignment. A little girl doing illegal spells. Happened all the time. Nothing special. He sighed, running through a mental list of all his usual excuses. He sighed again. He couldn't think of a single one that would work this time. For a moment he considered Apparating away and pretending he got lost. Wait, no. He had done that last week. A third sigh escaped him. It was looking more and more as if there was nothing he could do to escape the boring, mundane, and nondescript job awaiting him.

Reminding himself that he had to support his poodle _somehow_, and that there could be _worse_ jobs, really, he rang the doorbell. While waiting for someone to come so his oh-so-joyous job could get started, he looked around him. "God, even the flowers are plainer than Rosa Dartle."(11) Not the most complimentary assessment, but uncannily accurate. As if sensing his frame of mind, Cinquefoil Evans appeared rather promptly at the door, opening it wide enough to see her caller, but _not_ wide enough for him to run inside, in the off chance that he was the escaped convict she had seen on the news. 

"Hello. How may I help you? Are you here to see Mr. Evans?"

"Good morning ma'am. No, that won't be necessary. I am an employee from…oh look here, my brief says you're a Muggle. All right then. _Temporis Memoria Erasus_. Good morning ma'am. I'm here from Olivia's Clothing Boutique, the clothing store on Java and…uh, International." While Cinquefoil examined his business card, Timothy sighed again. "International. What a _joke_." 

Cinquefoil was looking at him as if he might be the escaped convict after all, so he invented the next part to his story. "Your daughter, Lillian, applied there for a job opening last month. It's just become available, and looking at her credentials, I think she'd be perfect for the position. I've never seen such an impressive resume. An A-plus average? _Very_ impressive!" Cinquefoil proudly looked at her daughter's report card, and Timothy continued his private commentary. "Grade inflation. Honestly, something ought to be done about that."

"So, Mrs. Evans. Do you think I could see your daughter? I'd really like to see her face when I tell her the good news. That's always the best part of my job. Nothing gratifies me as much as seein' the little kiddie's face get all bright and smiley. No siree!" 

"Of course, Mr. Rigsby. If you just come in here," ignoring her earlier suspicions about escaped convicts, Cinquefoil led Timothy into the house, "I'll go get her. She'll be right down. How about this chair? The blue brings out your eyes."

Timothy settled into the chair to wait. "'The blue brings out your eyes.' Who _says_ that? Crazy people, that's who. I don't know about those Muggles." Fortunately for the egos of all the furniture in the room Lily appeared quickly. 

"Hi, Mr. Rigsby. My mum said you're here about a job? I'm so glad you're here! I've always wanted to work at Olivia's, but—this is embarrassing, really—the salespeople scared me. I didn't know anyone could _have_ such white teeth! Anyway, it makes it so much easier for me that _you_ came _here_. Did my friend Tricia tell you I wanted to work there? She's the only one that knew. Oh my goodness—you should forget everything I just said. It doesn't make me sound very professional at all."

Timothy shrugged off her nervousness with an easy gesture. "Lily—relax, _relax_. I have something important to tell you. I've been sent here by the Ministry of Magic. I assume you know something about it? Given that you've been performing _wandless magic_…" 

He paused, quirking one eyebrow while waiting for his statement to sink in. It did _not_ have the usual effect. Lily did not look guilty, flustered _or_ about to deny his accusation. She merely looked at him very interestedly. In fact, he began to feel self-conscious. Perhaps he had a bit of food on his face. His left hand strayed up to his cheek, brushing off an invisible chunk of broccoli.

Perhaps she _didn't_ know about the Ministry of Magic. "The Ministry of Magic is the government of the wizarding world. There are different departments, each regulating—"

"What? Oh, no sir. I mean, yes! I've read a little about the Ministry. I was just, well, I've never seen another magical person before. Are you…a wizard?"

"Oh _no_", thought Timothy, "it's one of _those_." These jobs were always the most difficult for him. He knew some of his coworkers would trade a week's salary for a chance like this. They were the touchy-feely sort, the ones that thought nothing could be better than mentoring a child, coaching him through his fears and worries, introducing him to the wonder that is wizardry. Not him though. He knew it meant a long day of answering questions, drawing diagrams, and pretending to be fascinated by recounts of old experiences, just understood now as the first signs of magic.

"Yes, yes I _am_ a wizard. And I've been sent here to talk to you about one of our laws—the Decree for the Restriction of Underage Wizardry. Basically, what this law means for you, is that you are not allowed to perform any magic when you are not at school. You should be getting your Hogwarts letter…lets see…next summer, it looks like. After that you'll attend wizard school starting in September. Your professors there will instruct you in the proper ways to use your wand…how _did_ you get a wand to spellcast anyway?" 

"Ummm…I mailed in an Information Request card, and they sent me back this wand. Actually, thanks, I'm supposed to send it back in a few days. I almost forgot. Just remind me again before you go, if you don't mind. Thanks!"

"Right. Okay. I actually have to ask you a few more questions, and have you fill out a few forms. Now, I need you to tell me what spells, exactly, you performed. Please give me the _exact_ spell, and name them in order from first to last."

"Well, the _first_ one was _Reparo_. I did that one twice. On the same thing, actually. A porcelain figurine of an owl, named Hortense. After that I did _Favoratus Compellis_—"

"Okay, the first two we can ignore. Nothing special there. But _Favoratus Compellis_? Please, _please_ tell me you followed all the instructions on that one. It would make my job so much easier. Not that you really care about that, but I do. You know, just a little."

"Of course, Mr. Rigsby. I was a little nervous, you know, it being one of my first spells, so I made extra sure that nothing would go wrong."  
  
"Nevertheless, I really have to go over the checklist with you. That way I can make sure that you performed the spell correctly. First: who was the recipient of the spell?"

"My sister, Mr. Rigsby. Her name is Petunia."

"Now, was Petunia asleep or unconscious when the spell was cast?"

"Yes. I cast it just last night, while she was sleeping."

"Well, that's a relief, anyway. Were you wearing any jewelry during the process?"

"Of course not. I made sure of that. I took off all my rings, bracelets and necklaces before I went to bed. I also checked when I woke up. I read that wearing any jewelry could disrupt the flow of the spell, and I wanted to make sure it went perfectly."

"So I suppose you also made sure Petunia was not wearing any jewelry."

"Petunia never wears jewelry. She thinks it affects the inner child, or something. I don't understand. I just know that one Christmas I got her a necklace that she returned for the _Hong Kong Garden_(12) single. The funny thing is, her friend Sarah already got it for her. Oh my God! Mr. Rigsby, just what does 'disrupting the flow of the spell mean'?"

"Well, it can have several effects, actually. First of all, it can change the whole outcome of the spell. Instead of transferring the spellcaster's goals for the relationship into the recipient's mind, the energy instead transfers the characteristics of the jewelry onto the recipient. This is why it is _especially_ important to remove sentimental jewelry like wedding rings or pendants. Those types of jewelry often contain many memories and have a certain significance that increases the chances of—"

"Mr. Rigsby, you need to look at my sister _right now_. I've just remembered she borrowed my grandmother's engagement ring. It's mine and she was upset that I'd borrowed her owl, and she only did it to get back at me. But she was wearing it, I saw her wearing it after she'd woken up, after I'd performed the spell. You have to look at her. If I've altered her, if I've changed her, my parents will never, _ever_ forgive me. _She_ will never, ever, ever, _ever_ forgive me. Please, you have to help."

If Timothy had entertained any worries about this being a routine job, he was sadly mistaken. He decided too late that he actually preferred routine jobs after all. He felt like shouting at Lily that there was a _reason_ why the Ministry placed restrictions on the spell, to prevent foolish girls like her from altering people's personalities. He knew from experience that this would do no good, so he got up to see what help he could give to Petunia.

"Show me where your fireplace is, now. It's extremely important that I use it. I have to get in touch with a mediwitch right away."

"We only have one. It's in the study. Follow me. The floo's open, we've just been cleaning it."

While following Lily, Timothy pulled a packet of Floo Powder out of his bag. When he got to the fireplace he cast an _Incendio_ spell and threw in the powder, shouting "St. Mungo's!"

Despite her anxiety, Lily was frightened by his sudden disappearance. She was equally scared by his sudden reappearance a few minutes later, accompanied by an elderly woman in a spotless white uniform. Lily wondered how she could remain so clean while Mr. Rigsby had so much soot all over his suit.

The mediwitch hurried up to Lily. "Where's your sister, dear? I need to see her right away. It's easiest to reverse the magic when less time has passed, you see." Lily led the kind mediwitch upstairs to Petunia's room. She opened the door, and Petunia was sitting at her desk. She was scribbling madly on the notebook in front of her, and there was ink all over her hands. Her hair was skewered into a knot on the back of her head, held in place with two pencils. 

"Lily, I really don't have time to _embark_ on our new _relationship_ right this minute. This paper is due in tomorrow and it counts as twenty percent of my grade. My scholarship could depend on this!"

"Miss Evans, Miss Evans," clucked the mediwitch, "while your studiousness is admirable, I need to have a look at you. Why don't you just lie down on the bed over there."

"Why don't you tell me who you _are_? Lily, who are these people? Why is that man covered in…soot?"

"Petunia, this is Mr. Rigsby and a mediwitch from a wizarding hospital. They're here to take a look at you, because…well…you know the spell I was telling you about this morning? There's a small chance I may have messed it up a bit. You see, neither of us could wear any jewelry. I took all mine off, but you were wearing the necklace with Grandma's engagement ring on it." Petunia's hand flew to her throat, grasping the chain. "I didn't see it until after I cast the spell, because it was under your shirt. I'm so sorry."

Petunia, looking drawn and shaken, went to lie on the bed. The mediwitch came up to her and began to fuss, pulling all sorts of potions out of her bag and lining them up on the night stand. On Mr. Rigsby's instructions, Lily went over to a chair and sat down, staying out of the mediwitch's way. Several hours and many tests later, Petunia was finally allowed to sit up in the bed.

"Come over here, dear. Yes, you! I need to talk to you and your sister together. Mr. Rigsby, you too. Yes. I'm afraid you're going to have to act temporarily as Lily's lawyer on behalf of the Ministry. All right, the good news first. Petunia has not suffered any physical damage, temporary or otherwise. Unfortunately, mentally and psychologically is a different story. Lily, when you performed the spell while Petunia was wearing the necklace, you did in fact adversely affect her in all the ways I understand Mr. Rigsby has already explained to you. I also understand that Petunia is still unaware of these changes. So, Mr. Rigsby, I would appreciate it if you would explain things to Petunia here."

While Timothy elaborated the negative effects of the spell for the second time that day, thinking again that children should be stripped of their powers until eighteen years of age, Petunia sat in shocked silence. Every once in a while she would raise her eyes accusingly to Lily, who was hearing the facts as if for the first time. When Timothy had told them to her then, they had seemed clinical. But now she heard them in a whole new light. They took on meaning when she could see her sister at the same time. Her sister who, despite the fighting and disagreements, she still loved. Even more strongly since her brother had died. She was terrified that the spell, instead of solving her relationship with Petunia, had in fact made it worse than ever before. Irreparable. 

At the end, Timothy explained to Petunia that it was her right under wizard law to receive free treatment in St. Mungo's Psychiatric Ward for as long as she deemed necessary. With time, doctors might possibly be able to remove most—not all—foreign traces from her mind and psyche. There was a small chance, Timothy said, that Petunia could be restored almost completely to her previous self. Petunia sat still, as if she had not heard him. She stood slowly, raising her face to Lily's. Lily stared at her in shock, unable to speak. For the first time she could remember, Petunia did not look beautiful. She looked grief-stricken, as if someone had died. And Lily supposed that, in a way, the most important person of all to her had died—a part of herself.

It was then, amid Petunia's frozen lack of tears, facing a future with Petunia constantly in and out of treatment, never trusting or loving her again—and with good cause—that Lily realized she was responsible for destroying their relationship, perhaps forever.

Fortunately for Lily, this difficult realization came at an early age for her. Early enough to give her the chance to make _better_ decisions in the future.

REFERENCES:

Mencken's Chrestomathy by H.L. Mencken Far From the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy Villette by Charlotte Bronte Sergeant Francis Troy: character from Far From the Madding Crowd Morgaine: also Morgan, Morrigan. Celtic goddess found in The Tain, Mists of Avalon, The Once and Future King. Refers to her return to Avalon after a self-imposed exile. _Farewell, Farewell_ by Fairport Convention. Liege & Lief album, released 1969 The Tain: refers to 1986 translation by Gregory Frost. Modern translation available by Thomas Kinsella. "I swear an oath that I am resolved to settle this dispute by all means necessary." "It is certain it is completed, this caster of spells ends the tie." "_I pray thee…I love thee_": quote from A Midsummer Night's Dream by Shakespeare; Act I, Scene 3. Rosa Dartle: character from David Copperfield by Dickens _Hong Kong Garden_ by Siouxsie and the Banshees. Voices album, released 1978 

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Well, hope you enjoyed my fic! Please read and review—_all_ reviews are definitely appreciated! Thanks! If your version came up without quotation marks, dashes, italics, different fonts, bolded or underlined words, or spaces, email me at the following email address: remembercedricFF-owner@yahoogroups.com with the subject "Requesting Lily", and I will email it to you ASAP. 

Please note that I wasn't positive as to Lily's exact age, or the year placement of the story, so I tried to choose musical and literary references that represented a selection of art relevant to the general time period. Thanks again for reading!

—remembercedric 


End file.
